Since it’s Mother’s Day weekend, I’ve been reflecting on whether I am currently the mom I want to be.
I’ve been a mom for almost 4 years now and I have to say there are things I do that I said I would NEVER do, and there are things I don’t do that I said I WOULD do. But overall, I am happy with how things are and I think my daughter is pretty happy with the mom I am.
A lot of things have shaped the mom I am now. My mom is probably the biggest influence. Of course our relationship now is much better than it was when I was a teenager, but there are a lot of times where I think “That’s something my mom would say!” She is a very loving and non-demanding person. She’s good at letting her kids be who they want to be and accepting that. It’s hard for her that I moved away, but she doesn’t make me feel guilty about it- she accepted it as part of life and enjoys the adventures she gets to come on to visit me! And the times we get to visit her are even more special since we try to make the most of the time we have.
My mom was visiting for Mother’s Day when I was pregnant since my shower was that weekend. We had a little fun decorating my baby bump!
This week I called my mom on Skype. Usually my daughter wants to talk to her so I called her- but then my daughter went off somewhere to play and it was just me and my mom. We were chatting a little, but then we both started playing Candy Crush, lol! So here we are, sitting on Skype and playing Candy Crush together. It’s almost like we ARE together, just through the computer screen.
My older sister is a great Mom and I love talking parenting challenges with her. She has 3 boys and they are quite rambunctious! Although she says she wouldn’t trade them for my 1 girl, lol! I don’t know how she does it, but she manages to work, take care of her family and house (which is always spotless!) and she works out! I love this picture of us because we were genuinely laughing about our conversation and my brother in law caught us on camera! I had it printed out on a plaque and it’s hanging in my daughters playroom. Someday I hope she has a sister just like mine to laugh with.
I am a very lucky person when it comes to my mother in law. She is an amazing person and before my daughter was born, I used to chat with her on my way home from work almost every day! I hear horror stories about in-laws and I know I am lucky!
One of my other parenting influences is my friends- seeing them as moms. My best friend from St. Louis is such a wealth of information for me. Her children are older than mine, so she always has a story just like mine and can share with me what she did. She doesn’t tell me I HAVE to do what she is saying, she offers up what she did, or what she would do, and then we move on to another topic. I do not like when people tell me WHAT I NEED to do in each situation. I am not asking to be told what to do, I am asking or conversing about a current struggle as a parent.
Everyone has struggles as a parent! You may think you have it all planned out with what will happen and what you will do, but once you are in the moment, it’s completely different. So surrounding yourself with mom’s that you can learn from is the best way to become the best mom. When I moved to Wisconsin, I attended a mom’s group meeting 2 days later- I needed adult interaction! The first person I really clicked with was a fellow breastfeeding mom. She had a little girl around the same age as mine and she was planning on continuing the breastfeeding until her daughter was ready to wean, just like me! We hung out a lot! She moved away in the last year, but we do get to visit her and I chat with her online all the time.
My other friends I’ve met mostly at church. I joined mom and non-mom groups and made some good mom friends that way. I have two close girlfriends that I spend most of my time with. We all have girls, and their names all start with A, lol! They were all born in June and will be 4 this year! So we have a lot in common, and we parent very similarly. A lot of times I will pick up the phone to tell them a crazy story and they completely understand because their girl would do the same thing! They are great mom’s and I am so lucky to have them in my life!
I try to be in-the-moment with my daughter all the time. Doing what she wants to do, as long as it’s not anything too crazy! I’ve been lucky that I have spent the last 3 years at home with her and we have done so many fun things. She does not like to be at home every day, so we try to go out and do things that are fun. This picture was taken in the woods at our favorite park- I set the camera on timer and we just started spinning! It’s one of my all time favorite photos and I have it on my fridge so I can see it all the time!
To get back to the title of this post, the Mom I want to be, is the Mom who:
- is compassionate and always there for my daughter
- is always ready to have fun
- is always taking pictures, but as part of the action and not as an outsider
- teaches my daughter to be herself and be happy with that
- is always learning how to be a better mom
- has a daughter who grows to respect me and the choices I make
I was so proud of myself when my daughter’s teacher gave me this paper with her answers about me! They are all so right! Well..except for the vacation thing, I’d want to go to the beach, lol!
Oh, and the “chilly finger” I’m guessing is a coffee drink of some sort, lol! I always order mine with caramel 🙂
While I was writing this post, I went back and looked at photos from past Mother’s Day’s:
What are you doing for Mother’s Day? If you are a mom, what are your biggest influencers?