Bugs. I don’t get along with them.

Bugs.  I don’t get along with them.  My husband says I have a “bug dance” that I do.  And I believe it.  Someday he will get it on film.  One day it almost sent me overboard in my kayak- into crocodile infested waters…

I don’t like things flying at me.  I don’t like them landing on me.  I don’t like them landing on my food.  Or within 2 miles of my food.  Or my body.  Or my babies.  My husband?  Well, they don’t seem to be attracted to him, so I don’t have to worry about that.  We can be next to each other, and there will be 10 bugs zeroing in on me, and not one single bug on him.  What.  The.  Heck.

So last summer when Red1 had her fear of mosquitos, it was hard for me to try to keep her calm. And when I’m at school and outside with students and the bees are all over, it’s really hard for me to stay calm and keep them calm.  Bees.  Geez. Can they leave us alone? Go pollinate or something…

I once wrote an email to a friend about a spider that invaded my space.  It was on my glasses lens.  Oh my gosh.  That’s what’s going to happen tomorrow!  The million legged centipede that is loose in my house is going to be on the inside of my glasses lens when I put them on in the morning.  Oh my gosh.  Ok, breathe…you shut the door.  But they can get under the door!  And it’s pissed at me that I interrupted it’s resting on the wash cloth in the bathroom.  And then I threw a wash cloth on top of it when it tried to escape because it was the only thing within reach.  And then I stomped on the wash cloth (which was very hard to me to do since I had no shoes on and can you imagine if my foot smushed it’s body without the protection of a shoe in between? Ew.  Ew.  Ew.). It’s pissed at me.  I know it. It’s going to crawl on me while I’m sleeping.  With its spider friends. Especially the friends of the one I smashed to smithereens earlier today.

Ok, I mean, come on.  This huge, all black spider decided to run out on my pillow, very close to my baby, when we were just playing.  Holy spider! That’s what I yelled.  While on Skype with my mother in law.  And then I quickly moved the baby to safety and demanded that the other one bring me a shoe.  She brought me mine. And said “well you can’t use MY shoe.” So I gathered up my courage and smashed.  And it RAN!!  That sucker RAN!!  Faster than I ran in my race today!  It RAN!  Stupid spider!  So I picked up the pillow and shook it and it appeared again and I SMASHED it about 100 times.  Ok, maybe like 5.  But it was some hard smashes.  I wanted to make sure that sucker was dead.  And now his centipede friend is going to get revenge on me.  As if the thought of this spider hiding behind my mattress for who knows how long isn’t enough…

I know spring is coming, but it’s still 30 degrees outside, so can’t I have a little bit longer without the bugs?


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