I don’t really think about what life will be like in 5 years. I try to live in the moment. This thinking applies to my parenting too. I just live in each moment. (Sometimes I feel like I’m just surviving each moment.) There are no guarantees in life besides the fact that you will die some day. So I live in the moment and hope what I’m doing is good for my future self too. It’s just the kind of Mom I am.
I wanted a baby so bad. When I finally had Red1, I never wanted to put her down. I breathed her in at every opportunity. It KILLED me to go back to work. I kept hoping for a miracle that would allow me to stay home. I did get my miracle, it just came when she was 8 months old. I was so excited to be able to spend ALL day EVERY day with her! But I also knew I would need friends. So I joined a mom’s group before we even moved. It’s just the kind of Mom I am.
Red1 was a challenging baby. She was VERY demanding. She wanted held and nursed constantly! I called a friend one day and told her if the dog woke her up one more time…that friend showed up shortly after that. She could tell I was spent. I was exhausted. I was done. I needed help, or adult conversation, or someone else to hold her for just a few minutes at least. I needed someone to validate my feelings of failure at getting this baby to sleep peacefully in something besides my arms. It’s just the kind of Mom I am.
Staying home with Red1 was great. Eventually I started babysitting for some spending money, and then I moved on to blogging to pay for preschool. Then I moved on to part time work outside the home, and eventually I started trying to go back to work full time. And then we were shocked with news that Red2 was coming. We were only shocked because we had given up. The same month I went gluten free we sold all of our baby stuff. I kept a few things, just in case…plus some of my favorites of her outfits. It’s just the kind of Mom I am.
Red1 has always known what she wanted. (Kind of like me, I guess.) So when she decided she wanted to be held, she got her way. When she decided to eat sand, she got her way- the doctor told me to keep her away from sand- HELLO, we live by Lake Michigan, there is sand EVERYWHERE! So I just tried to moderate the amount, lol…It’s just the kind of Mom I am.
I was so excited about having another baby. Every once in awhile I was overwhelmed with stress about loving another child. My thoughts went something like this: Oh my gosh how will I love another child as much as I love this one? Calm down! You wanted another baby all along! Yes, but I had finally resigned myself to having just one, we were going to travel to Disney and she is starting school…yes, those thoughts ran through my head. I was excited, but scared. It’s just the kind of Mom I am.
Red2 gave me a run for my money when I was still pregnant. Three visits to the hospital was A LOT! I generally try to “cure” things naturally before going to a doctor. But when you have very regular contractions very early in the pregnancy, you need medical intervention. I didn’t like it, and I didn’t like the rest I had to do afterwards. But I did it. It’s just the kind of Mom I am.
Mother’s Day is always a day where I reflect on what kind of Mom I am. And this one started out like any other- changing diapers and juggling two kids while making coffee, breakfast, and trying to patiently answer the million questions the 5 year old has before my coffee finishes brewing. And then I eat my breakfast sitting on the floor so Red2 will be happy that I am within reach. She doesn’t like to be in the high chair. And she’s not a big fan of food lately. So I sit on the floor while she crawls around and plays. It’s not ideal. But it’s what works. It’s just the kind of Mom I am.
I like to get right in there and be on their level:
I will stop to do a headstand in the woods:
I like to foster independence:
I wear tutus and matching shirts with my daughter in the woods:
I love to be silly:
And I love to just be there. I want to have compassionate children, who are there for each other, and for other people. I want them to be kind and courageous. I want them to be strong willed and stand up for themselves! So I live in the moment. And I give them my ALL. Every fibre of my being is invested in these girls. Every ounce of my energy is put towards them. It’s just the kind of Mom I am.