I need to put on my own mask

Ok so the title probably makes no sense to you, right?  Have you ever flown on a plane?  And heard the safety talk?  And have you flown with children? Well, they tell you that in the case of the cabin losing air pressure, and the masks dropping, you are to put on your own mask before putting on your child’s mask. And the first time I heard that I thought no way!  I have to take care of them first!  And that’s where I’m wrong.  But yet I can’t seem to put my mask on.

The reasoning behind putting on your mask makes sense.  If you take too long putting on their mask, you all be dead because you will have run out of oxygen.  And then who will take care of them?  So why can’t I just put on the darn mask?

At a work meeting recently, I was describing a current situation to a coworker about how I’m accidentally in charge or yet another thing. He said “oh, so you’re a yes person?”

That’s me!  I put my mask on last and I always say yes!

Can you do this for me Beth?  YES!

Can I have a snack Mommy? YES!

AHHHHHH!! YES! (That’s Evelyn crying to nurse!)

I like to make sure things get done.  And I usually have the “correct” way to do it in my head.  So I just do it.  This applies to my children, my work, my house…it’s just me.

Over Easter I ended up at an emergency visit at the dentist because I was in so much pain.  At first I thought it was a sinus infection with an ear infection.  Ruled that out.  Then I tried the chiropractor.  She did some adjusting but was not sure that’s what was causing my pain.  So I finally gave in.  My mom was here so she could handle my daughters and I went in.  And it turns out I need a root canal.  And it probably could have been prevented, or caught earlier, if I had put on the darn mask and gone in for a cleaning in the last 2 years.  But I didn’t.  I was pregnant for a good bit of that time.  And then I just couldn’t leave Evelyn that long.  To go be tortured.  I mean have my teeth cleaned.  (I’d rather give birth then get dental work done, even cleanings!)

Most days I’m exhausted beyond normal.  I eat breakfast sitting on the floor so Red2 can be on my lap half the time without me worrying about her falling or spilling my coffee.  I shower with her attached to me in a ring sling.  Some days I send my friends really depressed or desperate messages about how I’m feeling.  Usually what I am feeling is overwhelmed with life.  Home.  Work.  Baby.  Big kid.  No sleep.  It’s overwhelming.  Yet I keep putting everyone else’s mask on first.

I pump 2-3 times a day at work.  Those are my breaks.  Sometimes I spend them pumping and trying not to cry because I feel so overwhelmed.  And then I’ll have a really good day, where everything works out and maybe the baby even naps on a bed and not on me.  And those days are so refreshing.  And I say “see, it’s not so bad!”

And then the next day is the extreme opposite.

I am working on it thought. When Annabelle asks me to drop everything and make her breakfast, I make her wait.  If I already started making mine, she has to wait.  See?  I put my mask on first sometimes 🙂

Running is a good mask for me to put on and it’s fallen to the wayside lately.  Even though we got a treadmill, and the weather is improving (as much as it can in Wisconsin anyways), I just don’t find the time.  I get home from work and it’s bottle cleaning and bottle prep and unpack the bag and get things ready for tomorrow.  Then cook dinner.  Sometime in there I nurse the baby.  Sometimes she wants to play (or help me empty bags), and sometimes she wants to be held constantly.  And she’s too big to strap into any kind of walker or exersaucer, so she’s free to roam!  By the time I think “oh, I should run”, it’s bedtime for Evelyn.  Oh good, you think, lay her down and go run.  Yep.  If only it was that easy.  She likes to take her time winding down.  She nurses a lot at this time.  And wakes up every time I try to put her down to go pee.  Sometimes I think I would like a snack and I totally skip it if it’s a particularly long bedtime.  I even skipped brushing my teeth a few times because I just couldn’t get her deep enough to walk away.

She's not dramatic.  At all.

Just put on the darn mask already Mama!

I know I’m not the only person that needs to put on their own mask.  It’s so hard to take care of yourself when you have other people to take care of. But I’m working on it.  One day at a time.



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