I can’t wait, but I can wait

The other day I was at the 5th grade banquet for the school I work at and I was discussing children with my principal.  He has a teenage daughter and he was missing an event of hers to be at our event.  I asked him if she cared and he said she was glad.  I asked when that attitude kicks in- at what age will I get a break from the constant need for attention.  He told me 8th grade, but to be careful what I wish for- so I’ve been thinking a lot about this.

I am exhausted.  Beyond exhausted.  My doctor was a little concerned with my appearance the other day and said she’s never seen me so tired.  So I was desperately trying to think of how many more years I can survive like this.  Worn down.  Defeated.  Always wondering when I will catch a break…

I can’t wait until both my girls are running around the house chasing each other.

I can’t wait until I can take a shower alone.  On a daily basis.

I can’t wait until I can pee alone.  On a daily basis.

I can’t wait until I can cook breakfast with both hands, and with no little person clinging to my legs.

I can’t wait until I can go to sleep knowing my kids will most likely not wake me until close to my alarm clock.

I can’t wait until I can have a break from providing constant basic needs to a child.

I can’t wait until I can make a phone call without having to say “I’m sorry, that’s my daughter being loud”

There are so many things I can’t wait for.  But I can wait for them.  Because when those things finally come true, that will mean that my daughters will be grown up.  That they won’t need me.  That they most likely won’t want to cuddle with me.  They won’t want anything to do with me.

So as claustrophobic as I get, and as frustrated as I am to not ever have 2 hands to function for more than 5 minutes….I can wait!


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