I spent two days on my back. On the floor. With ice under my back. Watching TV (after I had my husband show me twice how to work it, and screwing it up once and having him have to fix it…). I haven’t watched anything on TV in probably 2 years. Nothing that I chose anyways- kid things don’t count.
I woke up on a Monday in a lot of pain. But I figured I could walk it off. So I went to work. My boss looked at me and said “go home” and I said “I’m fine…let me just walk around a little bit.” Then I went walking through the hallways. My left leg buckled but I caught myself. I was walking so gingerly that our foster grandparent asked if I needed assistance. I decided I needed to go lay on a heating pad for awhile and maybe I could make it back in the afternoon.
But it got worse. I ended up having my husband drive me to the chiropractor a few hours later and she was alarmed at my state. She said absolutely NO lifting my child, or anything for that matter. And ice. ICE! It’s winter! I was like you are crazy! But I listened. Because I was in so much pain.
I told her I was dancing the next day at school. For the students. We choreographed this special dance….and yeah, no dancing 😦 My friend who was the other choreographer came over after school and brought me Ibeprofen. That shows how desperate I was. I hate taking pain meds, but I needed it to function. She went to Target to get it for me because they are the only ones that label their medicines gluten free.
Tuesday seemed almost worse. I stayed home. Evelyn’s babysitter picked up both kids. I laid on ice all day. And tried not to cry every time I had to get up to pee. I went back to the chiropractor later in the day and she said it was getting a little better, but she would see me the next day. I told her I was going to work. She said ok.
Wednesday I went to work. Evelyn’s babysitter picked us up. I got out of the car at student drop off and my principal took my bag. When I asked for it back he handed it to a student and told them not to give it to me, no matter what I said. It was nice to have that help.
I didn’t know how long I would make it so I did what work I could on the last day of school before winter break. A friend brought me an ice pack that strapped around me in a very tight fashion. That helped. A LOT! I had it on when I went to the chiropractor that morning. She was glad to see me walking better. But she still said see you tomorrow….
I ended up making it through the whole day!
I’ve been on the upswing since then. But I still haven’t carried Evelyn around. She’s handling it better and better, and we do a lot of cuddling sitting down. I’m not sure how it will go when it’s time to be back at work. Most mornings I hold her while I’m getting ready. I put her down to shower and then put her down when she gets in her car seat.
I carry my children until I drop. Literally. I told my mom recently that I was going to collapse with exhaustion soon. Well, it happened. I collapsed. Not just physically, but mentally also. It is so hard for me to not be able to do what I want, when I want. And I’ve been going full speed ahead for WAY too long, without giving myself a break in any way.
Some of my tears last week were from physical pain, and some weren’t. My house was very quiet and I was able to think about how I was not taking care of myself. I was neglecting myself in order to take care of others.
I collapsed. But I got back up again. And I’m working on taking better care of myself. Starting with making chiropractic visits a priority.
Next will be exercise. This isn’t a New Year’s Resolution. I don’t make those. This is an “I collapsed and need to change my ways” revelation. I can’t take care of those I love if I don’t take care of myself first.
Have you ever literally collapsed from the weight of life?