Finding beauty in failure

So my half marathon is in 19 days. Yikes!  And I’m feeling like a failure a little bit.  My farthest run so far has been 7 miles.  And I need to run almost double that.  I was running on Sunday night and feeling pretty defeated, but I ended up finding beauty in failure, and not feeling so bad at the end.

I was running down by Lake Michigan and it was a beautiful night!  I wasn’t planning on running that early, but the radar was showing a nasty storm on the way, so I left dinner in the oven and headed out.  (Don’t worry, my husband was home 🙂  There were a lot of people at the lake, and many of them do not yield to anyone on the path, so that was frustrating.  And my legs were feeling good, but my lungs were not!  We had gotten home from camping earlier in the day and I am sure I was not hydrated enough.  I didn’t drink much while camping because the water was kinda gross.  We refilled our bottles at a water fountain and it tasted bad.  Even when I made it into coffee, I could still taste the nastiness.

I was coming up to this spot where I sat, and by then I was walking, and I was thinking all kinds of negative things…but then I looked out at the lake, and the lighthouse and thought “what am I being so negative about?  Look how far I’ve come and I am not giving up! And look at the beauty around you!” And it was such a beautiful sight, and a beautiful thought, amidst my thoughts of failure.

I’ve had some scheduling issues with running, and some illness along the way, and I’m getting a little nervous.  I know introducing new shoes this close to the race is probably not good, but I was really having a hard time with the other shoes. Today my foot has been aching. Horribly.  Not plantar faciitis aching, but just an awful ache.  I am assuming this is me getting used to a less supportive shoe.  I’m used to the other shoes, where there was a TON of support.  And while these new shoes have support, they have a lot less. I made sure to wear supportive shoes today (sneakers, in the summer, yuck!) and that helped.

I can drop my race distance down to a 10K if I need to, without penalty.  And it’s tempting me right now.  Especially since my doctor confirmed that I have a cyst on my ovary.  Running with that is pretty painful.  And it will be worse for the day of the race because I will have my period and that’s when cysts are the most painful. There is nothing the doctor can do about it, I just have to hope it goes away, or bursts. I’ve had one burst before. It was not a fun experience.  But I find myself hoping for it to burst so I can run my best!  I know, it’s crazy, but I REALLY want to run 13.1!

My plan is to run at least 3 miles with each run this week, and get in some longer runs when my daughter goes to school. I will have 3 hours to run after I drop her off so I will be able to get some nice long runs in.  If I can get in at least a 10 mile run, I will keep my registration at a half marathon.  If I can’t manage that before the race, I will drop down to a 10K.  And I will not eat another Snickers until I run 13.1…

How do you deal with failure?